


To Love Or To Be Loved

by BrokenBookAddict



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Caitlin x Harry, Developing Relationship, Emotional, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family, Feelings Realization, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Lost Love, Love, Romance, Snowells, Team as Family, season 6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-21
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:14:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22836865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrokenBookAddict/pseuds/BrokenBookAddict
Summary: He couldn't leave, not without trying. She deserved the effort, she's been through so much and lost much more. They say if it's broken, fix it. He's certainly going to try.
Relationships: Caitlin Snow/Earth-2 Harrison "Harry" Wells
Comments: 38
Kudos: 115





	1. Gone but not forgotten

**Author's Note:**

> Clear disclaimer- I do not own The flash. I do own any errors.

Having just left behind Nash in his work room, Cisco wanders his way down the hall back towards the cortex. For the first time in days, weeks even, he's not really sure how long exactly this feeling has been weighing him down but finally, he feels lighter and happier now that he's made a decision. It hadn't been easy making the choice to take time away from the lab and by extension the team, but it's the right thing. It's a break he needs and one that is well over due, for the last few years since the particle accelerator exploded, everything has been going at the speed of sound... and not just Barry.

So the decision has been made and he's happy.

Except before he takes his leave, there's one person he needs to see and he figures her to be tucked away in her solitude that is the med bay.

He's wrong, of course.

As he walks by a room that has lay empty for awhile now since the occupant's departure, said occupant's voice drifts out to him making him pause in his tracks. It takes only seconds to realise what exactly it is. Stepping into the doorway he takes in the scene before him. Harry's work room is shrouded in darkness, the only light filters in from out in the hall but it offers very little. Inside, taking cover and comfort in the darkness is Caitlin, sat with her back to him as she watches the little hologram of Harry talk. When it finishes, she reaches out to replay it. Cisco stands in silence observing as the scene repeats itself over three times. When it looks as though a forth is on the horizon, he drops his bag to the floor with a dull thud.

The sounds makes Caitlin jump and she turns to look at him. "Jesus, Cisco! Don't do that!"

"Sorry!" He replies, holding up his hands as if in surrender. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough."

"Oh."

He points at the cube sat before her on the desk. "I was wondering where that had disappeared to."

"I'm sorry, I--"

He waves away the unnecessary apology he knows is coming. Instead, he asks, "How many times have you watched that?"

Her body turns away from him slightly and she drops her gaze to the ground, only a shrug follows in answer.

"Caitlin?"

"I don't know, too many to count."

He leans against the doorway. "Do you wanna talk about why you're sat in here, in the dark, watching it?"

She doesn't answer his question, instead, asks her own. "I thought you were heading out?"

"I am," he confirms, pushing himself away from the door where he'd been lingering to move further into the room. "But I wanted to see you before I left. Besides that, don't change the subject. Do you want to talk about it?" He drops himself down onto a stool beside her, concern clear across his face. "Come on girl, you okay?"

Silence follows for a few shorts moments.

"Do you want the truth? or do you want me to lie to you?"

"The truth usually helps, so lets go with that."

Caitlin looks away, reaching out to touch the cube, gentle fingertips trace over the cold metal beneath them. She never expected to be having this conversation tonight, if at all. There really isn't any point. Still, Cisco is here and they always say talking helps.

"Have you ever had a feeling like you're missing something? Deep within your chest there's an ache that you can't name and it won't go away. You carry it with you everyday, until the moment you see it."

Cisco remains quiet and just nods, giving her the time to just talk.

"That's a feeling I've carried with me for awhile. I didn't really know what it was or rather I hadn't acknowledged it, not until earlier. All the pieces slotted together like a puzzle and the picture cleared to show--"

"Harry." Cisco finishes softly for her.

This time it's her turn to nod. "Yeah, Harry."

A heavy sigh escapes him as he props his head in his hand. "It's okay to miss him, Caitlin. Jesse too. We all do. You know I've struggled with the guilt of..."

Sad eyes turn to him. "Of course but this is different, because I don't just miss him, Cisco." She takes a deep breath and just says it. "I--I love him. The ache I feel is love. I've spent the last hour or so watching this cube over and over and over, wondering why I didn't realise sooner but the truth is, I-I think I did."

The minutes after her confession is spent in silence. For Cisco it isn't because he's shocked by her revelation, far from it, instead it's because it's something he has always been curious about. Harry and Caitlin have always experienced a very different relationship than that between the rest of the team. Even from very early on when everyone was wary of him and his motives, their relationship had been different. Together, they have always spent equal amounts of time in and out of work. When the team socialise, they gravitate towards one another. Harry allowed her to see the softer, less gruff side of himself, while Caitlin opened up and displayed a vulnerability she often keeps hidden. There's always been an ease in which they talk. Through some of the toughest times they faced, either alone or as a team, they were there for each other. He was there to offer help and support when she first found Frost but also later when she lost her. She was there for him when Jesse had been taken or hurt, then later when he began to lose his mind. There has always been _something_ there between them lingering beneath the surface and it looks like she's finally figured out what exactly that is, at least, for her.

"It doesn't really matter now, does it?"

They both know the question to be rhetorical.

"Caitlin..."

She waves away his concern, self reproach evident across her pretty face. "No, it's fine. I mean-- obviously it isn't fine but, I wish I realised sooner, admitted it to myself sooner. I could have... I don't know." She gives up with a defeated sigh.

"Would you have told him?"

Caitlin takes her time to think over her reply before offering it. "Maybe, I-- the thing with Harry is he doesn't show or tell you how he's feeling, you know that. Normally it's bottled up inside until it explodes out of him. I don't know how he feels, _felt_ , I don't know how he felt about me." It fucking hurts to make that correction, something so simple reminding her he's gone. "There were times you know, where he'd say something or do something, look at me in a certain way that..." her voice breaks and she covers her face. "It doesn't matter anymore, Cisco."

"Of course it matters. Harry, he's gone and the loss is greater because you love him. There's nothing wrong with that nor is there to take time to understand it all."

Caitlin accepts his words, taking them on board for the truth they are. It's alright to feel like her heart is shattering into millions of tiny pieces. It isn't easy and it doesn't have to be. She's allowed to grieve for this man who her heart holds nothing but love for. She accepts that but there's a creeping thought in the back of her mind. It's something she's thought for awhile but this just cements it more solidly for her. 

"I think I'm supposed to be alone. I think I'm not meant to love or to be loved by someone."

Cisco's own heart breaks even further for this woman who is like a sister to him, not only a best friend. Her words so filled with sorrow. "Don't-- don't say that. Why would you think that?"

"My brilliant history with men highlights it perfectly. First there was Ronnie and you know how that ended, twice. Then I tried with Jay, which was a complete and utter disaster. Then there's Julian, another disaster which was partly my fault for not being invested enough. I didn't want it." She shakes her head, looks up to meet his eyes, her own filled with tears. "Now, there's Harry, and Cisco, I did want it. I wanted it more than anything. I realised it and it's too late."

"I'm sorry," he tells her helplessly, wanting nothing more than to be able to put this right. "I'm sorry." 

"I know, I know you are and so am I."

"Is there anything I can do?"

A humourless laugh escapes her. "No, not really. I'd say turn back time but we know all to well how that usually turns out for us... Just do me a favour, okay?" When he nods, she continues, "don't waste time. Don't waste an opportunity to say or do something. Don't be afraid. Time isn't on our side, so don't waste it." Up until this point she's been rather proud she's kept the tears at bay, now they run free. Crying for Harry, for Jesse and for a lost opportunity.

"I won't, I promise."

"Good."

At that moment Cisco's phone rings, sounding excessively loud in the quiet work room.

"Kamilla?"

"Yeah but I'll let it--"

"No, go ahead. Answer it."

Cisco looks to the phone then back to Caitlin. "We were gonna have dinner, you could join us."

She's touched by the offer but she just wants to be alone. "Thank you but no. I'm going to head home, I have a bottle of wine waiting for me. Go have dinner with your girlfriend Cisco."

"I-I don't want to leave you alone."

"I'm fine. Anyway, I'm used to it."

He wants to say she shouldn't have to be but he doesn't. Instead looks to his phone when it stops ringing, only to start again.

"Go on."

Cisco reluctantly nods, getting to his feet. "I'll call you tomorrow."

"Sure, I'll be out most of the day, I have an appointment then lunch with my mother. Have a good night and say hi to Kamilla for me."

"I will." Cisco turns away an answers the call as he moves towards the door. "Hey, sorry I was in the middle of something." Collecting his bag from the floor but before he crosses the threshold, he turns in perfect time to see Caitlin activate the cube, hologram Harry appearing in front of her. Despite Kamilla talking in his ear, the only thing he hears is his best friend's choked sob. Willpower makes him walk away and leave her and as he does, he breaks into the conversation he knows nothing about.

"I'm sorry, I know we had plans but something has come up, something important."

"What's wrong?"

"Something's happened and I'm not sure if I can fix it but I need to try. You could come by, we could use any extra help. I know we were going to dinner but..."

"Dinner doesn't matter. This sounds important and that's all I need to know. I'll come by and I'll bring food for everyone."

Cisco stops short in the hall. "You-- I love you."

"I know, I love you too. Are you okay?"

He wants to tell her everything but doesn't, he'd rather have to do that once when all the team is here. Except Caitlin of course.

"Yeah, I'm good. I'll see you soon."

He hangs up and a short trek later, he's stepping into the cortex, pleased to see Nash, Ralph, Barry and Iris milling about.

"We were just wondering where you were? Have you seen Caitlin?" Iris asks from her place at the main console.

An image of Caitlin crying while watching Harry's cube fills his head. He really needs to try and fix this, she deserves the effort. "She's down in Harry's work room."

"Why is she down there?" Barry askstands, looking confused.

"Is something wrong?" Iris follow up after her husband.

Cisco ignored both question. "I need your help."

Ralph steps forward. "With what?"

"We need to find Jesse and Harry. We need to make sure they... we have to try."

"Cisco," Barry starts tentatively, "Oliver said it's all gone."

But for Cisco, he won't back down. "We have to try and we haven't. Maybe it is all gone, maybe they managed to get away. To another earth or the speedforce or something. I can't leave without trying. I don't want to be stuck with the what if? She, we, deserve to know for sure. Harry and Jesse deserve any attempt we can make. So will you help me or not?"

The four look between each other, Ralph and Nash are first to confirm their assistance followed closely by Iris and Barry.

"Yes, we're in. Shouldn't Caitlin be here for this?"

"No, I don't want her to know, not until we have a concrete answer one way or the other. I know you have questions but I need you to trust me. Caitlin is going home and this says between us."

Barry looks unconvinced. "Are you sure? She should---?"

"No."

Again the four look between one another then back to him.

"Okay, where do we start?"

This might not work, Harry and Jesse still may be gone but they need to make the efforts to try. Harry and Jesse deserve it and so does Caitlin. She's been through so much and lost much more. They say if it's broken, fix it. If Cisco can find a way, he will. 

Tbc....


	2. Overlooking the obvious

If someone were to ask how long he's been sat in the dark staring out of the windows overlooking the city, no answer would be forthcoming. The hours have all merged and seem everlasting despite the clock slowly ticking by covering every passing number. Soon the sun will rise and bathe Star lab's lounge in glorious sunlight marking the start of a new day. The lounge is where he'd escaped to after Kamilla had banished him from the cortex in order to take a much needed break. It hasn't done much good, his body is still tense and frustration is still simmering ever present near the surface. Tiredness is starting to take its toll too but he refuses to give up, he can't give up. Not until he has an answer. 

Caitlin deserves that much, she deserves this effort to find the truth. If it's within his power to give her that, he will. 

But so far, nothing has come up trumps. Every avenue they have gone down so far has failed. They're no closer now then they were when they first started hours earlier. His tired brain continues to fire theories of maybe this, maybe that... around and around trying to find the right solution to figuring out this problem which seems impossible. To combat any negativity, Oliver's message has been locked in a box in a deep dark part of his mind, unwilling to allow it to spoil their efforts. If he allows himself to dwell, progress will stall and it can't stall, they can't afford it to because to much rests upon this. Because one way or another, they need an answer whether it's good or bad.

Uncertainty isn't an option. 

So as the darkness beyond the expanse of glass begins to fade, as the sun starts to rise above the concrete jungle built before him, Cisco stands up. Stretching out his back, he heads over to the bar area to refill his coffee before heading out. Bypassing the elevator, he chooses to instead take the long way back allowing him the opportunity to stretch his legs and clear his mind. 

At night or even as it is now in the early morning, the winding hallways are dark and eerily quiet. To anyone unfamiliar with the building it could seem unsettling but to him and the team, it's the norm. He walks through this building which has held so many happy moments but even more so, the sad. So much has happened here over the last few years and thinking about all the bad that has occurred, he can't help but think of Caitlin. It baffles him the strength of the woman, how she manages to walk through the door into this place every morning. Star labs features heavily in many of the moments in Caitlin's life; Ronnie died here, twice. She got married here, she died here and Killer Frost came to life. Zoom hurt her both physically and mentally, she lost her powers, she lost her dad again and every other shining moment of hurt taken place here throughout the years. Then, there's the latest and what seems to be one of the deepest cuts, Harry. 

Ever since Dr evil Wells' doppelganger showed up, Caitlin's relationship with him has been vastly different to not only his own, but with the other member of team flash. In the beginning to put it bluntly, Harry was a massive dick to everyone, except Caitlin, who somehow manged to soften the fortress walls surrounding him and slowly she chipped away until, around her, he was the guy they now know him to be. Even now though some defences remain with others yet with Caitlin, the walls are completely down. Harry allowed himself the vulnerability to allow her in, to let her see a side of himself he keeps hidden. He sometimes wonders if it's because Caitlin has experienced the same loss of a spouse, a common ground to build upon and from it blossomed a relationship solely their own. They talked with ease, worked side by side with ease, gravitated toward one another in social situations as if it were second nature. It never really came as a surprise when Caitlin told him she loved Harry, that she'd fallen in love with the older man. It didn't seem anything but inevitable from his point of view. Watching his friends like he has, it was never a question of if but when. When will they realise this is it? That they are perfect for each other and that they balance each other out. 

Only the answer of when has come to late. 

He can still see Caitlin's face in his mind, her eyes filled with sadness and grief. Her fingers tracing the cube holding Harry's miniature hologram message. Her words of heartache at realising to late. 

_"Maybe I'm not meant to love or to be loved...."_

That one sentence holding the ability to gut him with sorrow for his best friend. Because honestly hadn't she been through enough already, doesn't she deserve a happy ending? 

And it's because of that reason why he hasn't left yet, why he stayed the night and rounded up the team, why they have worked through the night in order to find answers. He can't go, not without trying because there has to be something, there has to be. 

Rounding the corner, he opens the stairwell door to head up the three flights to take him to the 600 level. He's halfway up the first when the building comms come to life and Iris' voice fills the air around him. 

"Cisco, we need you up here now!" 

He can't even reply because she cuts off almost immediately and mindful of his coffee, he makes a dash for it up the remaining steps. When he bursts through the door out into the hall of the 600 level, he's more than a little breathless and he silently vows to work on his cardio. His gym visits have been a little lacking recently. When he reaches the doorway to the cortex he pauses, watching as everyone turns in his direction in almostperfect sync. 

"What's wrong?" Cisco then notices Barry's absence. "Where's Barry?" 

Nash, Ralph, Kamilla and Iris look between each other and there's a feeling resting in the air Cisco can't quite put his finger on. 

"Guys?" 

Iris steps up, to offer an explanation for suddenly recalling him back to the cortex. "So, in our search for Harry and Jesse, we may have... overlooked something. Something big." 

"Something big? Like what?" 

"Like the speed force."

If there was ever a _doh_ moment, it is definitely now. How had they overlooked something so important? The answer is all to easily, because instead they decided to focus on other avenues in hopes of finding what they're looking for. 

"So, what do we have?" 

Iris moves away to the main console, looking down at the monitor before her. "As we all know, speedsters can detect other speedsters, they can siphon, share, steal their speed...which means Barry can feel Jesse if she's connected to the speed force." 

Cisco's body slumps and his mug hits the desk with a dull thud. "How did we not think about that?" 

Nash shrugs. "By simply overthinking, we overlooked the simplest answer to our problem." 

"So where's Barry now?" 

"The speed force. He hasn't been gone to long." 

"Do we have anything?" 

"Not much of anything except weird blips in Barry's vitals and to his speed." Kamilla explains beside Iris. 

"It isn't like anything I've seen before. His speed drastically drops down then surges back up." 

Cisco's brows furrow as he studies the screen, watching for himself. "Maybe there's something wrong with the suit. His vitals are holding steady for now." And then the screen blanks out and nothing appears. "What the hell?" He taps the screen repeatedly, then almost as quickly as it disappeared the screen comes back to life. The next monitor shows the pipeline, where a breach is opening. "He's back." 

No sooner had the words left his mouth, lightening fills the room and Barry skids to a halt and he isn't alone. 

"Oh my God." 

"It worked!" Kamilla says excitedly. 

Cisco stares back at the three people standing in the center of the room, not quite believing what he's seeing. Harry and Jesse stand on either side of the Flash, both look like a little worse for wear but more importantly, they're alive and well. If he wasn't in shock, the moment would be funny watching how Harry tries to fend of hugs and well wishes from the team while his daughter welcomes them gladly.

"Cisco, you alright?" 

He looks to Ralph who asked the question then realises everyone is staring at him. "I'm fine, I just--" It's overwhelming how quickly this situation has turned around but also irritating, because they wasted so much of the night when the answer was right in front of them. 

So he shakes his head and moves around the desk, where he first wraps Jesse in a tight hug then Harry. Relief is an understatement. When he pulls away, he looks between father and daughter. "What happened?"

"When the antimatter wave hit our earth, there was no warning so I went to dad and we used your extrapolator, with the intention to open a breach here but I panicked and we randomly ended up on Earth 11. When we arrived, the extrapolator became damaged so after finding no one able to help us, we turned to the speed force but things become... complicated. Something must have happened in the time we were on earth 11 because my speed sometimes... falters, which only became more apparent when using the speed force to open a breach here because we were spat out onto another earth." 

"Identical to this one," Harry points out. 

"Identical?" Ralph asks.

"Exactly the same. Everything including the people." 

"But the multiverse was destroyed in crisis." 

"Apparently not," Barry replies quietly. "There's other earths."

"What like a new multiverse?" 

"Yes. From what Jesse and I could distinguish when we were trying to get a message to you, multiple earths now exist with one thing in common... their identical to this earth, down to the very last detail." 

"Like a replica."

"Exactly." 

"And whatever happened during your crisis, it's effected the speed force. My speed drops, I take longer to heal, I feel tired." 

Barry looks grave. "When I was in there trying to connect with Jesse... It felt like it's dying." 

"Which would explain his vitals," Kamilla injects looking to Cisco. 

"So not only did crisis kill the multiverse as we know it, then establish a new one identical to Earth 1, now we discover it's slowly killing the speed force which will result in both your powers ceasing to exist."

"You got it, Ramon." 

"Fantastic," Cisco says sarcastically. 

"So what do we do next?" 

"Honestly? For now, nothing. We're all exhausted and these two need to get settled in. We can figure this out later, a few more hours won't hurt." 

There's another round of relieved hugs that follow along with introductions, Harry and Jesse meet Nash and Kamilla properly now that the excitement of their sudden arrival has died down. 

Cisco drifts off into his thoughts, relief flowing readily through him as he stands by and keeps a close eye on what's going on around him and all it takes to snap him back to the main matter at hand is a simple question from Harry. Two words, that's all it takes to remind him why they're all standing here at half six in the morning. 

"Where's Snow?" 

The team glance in his direction before Ralph offers, "at home." 

The meaning of the situation suddenly dawns on him. This is the moment he'd been hoping for, against all the odds. "Actually, Harry, I was hoping we could talk?" He jerks his thumb towards the med bay, indicating it to be a private chat. 

"Sure," Harry easily agrees before turning to his daughter. "You'll be okay?" 

Jesse rolls her eyes. "Yes, dad. I'm gonna go crash." 

"Which sounds like a plan," Iris readily injects, looking as if she's about to drop. 

"I'll wait for you," Kamilla says quietly to Cisco, leaning back in the chair. 

Cisco nods then moves to lead Harry into the med bay as the others file out to head home. 

It takes a few minutes of paused silence before Harry shifts, crossing his arms as he stares the younger man down. "You wanted to talk?" 

"I did, I mean I do-- I'm just not sure how to start." 

"Starting at the beginning usually helps." 

"Right the beginning." Except he doesn't quite know how to start. How best to approach this.

"Ramon." 

Cisco bites the bullet. "It's about Caitlin." And almost immediately he can see how those three words have an effect on Harry. 

"What about her? Is she alright?" 

"No, she isn't." 

Harry stares back, feeling an ache of dread fill his stomach. 

"You died." 

"What?" 

"The reason Caitlin isn't here is because she doesn't know any of this was happening."

"What?" 

Cisco bumps his foot against the desk, before settling against the edge. "Caitlin-- a lot has happened since you left and it's been hard dealing with it. For all of us. Last night I was leaving when I found Caitlin in your work room. She-- she was sat in the dark crying, watching your message cube over and over." 

Harry clenches his jaw, that feeling in his stomach growing heavier. 

"I can't get her face out of my head and I-- Cisco pauses to look at the older man. "I don't know how to ask what I need to." 

"Just say it," Harry almost demands of him. 

So Cisco does. "Caitlin loves you and I need to know if you love her too." His words appear to have stunned the other man, so he continues on. "She told me last night that she thinks she's not meant to love or to be loved. Do you have any idea how hard it was hearing that? I couldn't leave, I had to try to find you so she could have the chance, you know. Caitlin deserves the chance."

She does. 

Which is why he nods. "Yes." 

Cisco's brows furrow in confusion. "Yes what?" 

Harry swallows hard, feeling more than a little blindsided by how quickly this whole situation is developing. Not too long ago he was stranded on another earth with his daughter, with no hope of ever getting home. Now, he's here and being confronted with something he's held close for a very long time. "I love her."

He feels frozen, because despite asking the question he never thought he'd hear the answer. Again, this balance Harry now has is still new and startling to him, even after the time which has passed. "You do?" 

"Yes." 

One simple word, spoken low and gruff has Cisco beaming. 

"That's awesome, man." 

Harry will admit now that he has confirmation Caitlin does actually feel the same way, the pressure has eased and it doesn't seem like such a frightening prospect. Maybe this is their chance, to have something good and to be happy. Maybe now is the time to take the next step. He runs a hand through his hair and shifts on his feet. "She's okay?" 

"She will be now." 

Both men know exactly how much truth is in those four words. 

This is the chance, not only for her but for Harry too. They both deserve this. 

"Thank you." 

Cisco looks up in surprise. "What for?" 

Harry shrugs, almost like it isn't a big deal. "For looking for us and bringing us home-- and for... for Caitlin." He can't really put it into words but he hopes Cisco understands. 

He does. "Gotta get your girl."

"Not at this time of the morning." 

Cisco laughs, then moves across the room to hug the older man. "It's good to have you back." 

Harry smiles and allows himself to return the hug. Yes, it's definitely good to be back and to be given another chance. One that will not be squandered. 

Tbc... 


	3. Second Chance

"Thank you, Grace." Caitlin offers quietly, accepting the coffee and lemon muffin slid across the counter. Taking her change, she slips it into the tip jar upon the counter with a soft smile. "Have a good afternoon." 

"You too." 

Turning away, Caitlin makes her way across the room to take her place at one of the empty tables, easily sliding onto a stool. This is what she needs right now, a quiet moment. She's tired, both physically and mentally. Her dentist appointment ran longer than necessary due to an emergency with another patient and the lunch date with her mother was far from relaxing. Despite how much their relationship has improved over the last few months since her dad died, she still didn't need to be bombarded with questions about how she is. The simple _I'm fine_ , _just tired,_ didn't work as well as she hoped and honestly it's partially the truth at least. She is exhausted, sleep hadn't come last night, what with her mind constantly thinking about Harry and the ache in her chest. She hadn't lied about that but clearly she had in terms of how she is. No she isn't fine, far from it actually but she hadn't wanted to discuss it with her mother. It simply isn't a conversation to have over lunch, a lunch she could barely stomach so instead she deflected, asking about her mother's work. That chosen tactic had been successful for all of ten minutes and then they were right back where they started. Her mother asking questions, Caitlin avoiding answers. Eventually her mother gave up and by that point lunch was over and she was even more exhausted than when she first sat down. 

The next logical step would have been to go home or to go to the lab but she found herself resisting on both fronts. If she goes home, she's alone and it allows her mind the opportunity to consume her in thoughts, thoughts she doesn't want to think about. If she were to go to the lab, work could offer a distraction but she suspects it futile. Even though her time is mostly spent in that building, she doesn't want to be there right now. Since the cube had appeared and she saw Harry's miniature hologram staring back at her, everything about the lab reminds her of him. It's annoying that before the moment of realisation and honesty with herself, she had gone to great lengths to ignore everything, from her surroundings to her feelings. Now, she's aware of everything and it hurts. 

Which is why she's in Jitters. It's a place to escape, to lose herself in the strangers around her. Watching people come and go, from the students dotted around with books and laptops to business men grabbing coffee to go. There's the odd couple dotted here and there and a woman with a baby. For a Tuesday afternoon, it's relatively quiet which is welcome. Looking around the room, she spots a table becoming vacant and a memory of sitting at that particular table jumps to the forefront of her mind. Harry. It had been a random invitation to join him for coffee, a pretense she suspects for drawing her away from researching almost obsessively into getting Frost back. It had been nice, from walking with him from the lab to sitting here inside Jitters coffeehouse. They'd talked about absolutely nothing in particular, random topics and it was one of the best afternoons of just spending time together. Jitters though, has always been a place of memories with Harry, from coming after her at christmas when Amunet kidnapped her to grabbing coffee after the city was almost levelled by a nuke. There had been a lot of coffees shared between them, here and at the lab and now, she won't ever get to share something as simple as that with him ever again. 

She won't be able to share a lot of things with him ever again, especially not the most important aspects. 

The chance was missed and it's over. 

Ever since Cisco left her last night in Harry's workroom, watching the cube over and over and then when she finally dragged herself away to go home, she's berated herself. This is her fault. Her pain is her own fault. Being to scared to admit how she feels had stopped her from taking a chance she now wishes with every fibre of her being she had. At the time, like she explained to Cisco last night, uncertainty had played such a large part. Despite moments here and there giving her a glimmer of hope, she really had no idea how Harry felt about her. The prospect of ruining their close friendship and working relationship on the basis of what if? hadn't seemed good enough odds to risk it all. 

Now she would give anything to risk it all, she would burn this fucking world to the ground just have to a moment, just to see his face again... something more corporal than a small hologram which is all she now has left, along with memories. 

Last night when talking with Cisco, when she had told him that it's not meant to be for her to love and to be loved... it had been the truth. She truly feels this isn't meant to be in her life. History is all the proof you need and losing Harry feels the last straw. 

Her eyes fill and she blinks back against the burn. Her heart is heavy, a dull aching pain centers in her chest. It hurts, so fucking much and it's her fault. It's funny in a mind boggling way how everyday she throws herself head first into danger to protect the team and this city only for her bravery to falter in the face of love. 

Blinking against the tears; refusing them the opportunity to fall, Caitlin takes a sip of her coffee and looks around. Her eyes find Grace, the young batista, who's currently chatting to a young man of roughly the same age. From the blush colouring the young girl's cheeks and the sweet smile upon her lips, Caitlin figures him to be her boyfriend. It's sweet and innocent and she so wishes she could take her aside and tell her to cherish it and keep him close. 

Tearing her gaze away from the young couple, she scrutinises her muffin which is completely demolished upon the plate. It seems while she had been lost in thought, she'd absently pulled it to pieces. Not that it much matters, she wasn't particularly hungry anyway, much the same at lunch with her mother. It seems in moments of heartache, her appetite ceases to exist. 

To her left where her purse rests, vibrating reaches her ears. Her phone indicates a text recieved when she retrieves it, from Cisco. 

_"How was lunch?"_

_"It was okay. How are things at the lab?"_

_"Fine, as far as I'm aware. Where you at?"_

_"Jitters, why?"_

_"Stay there."_

She frowns down at the screen, not bothering to text back. He's probably on his way to check up on her. When he left last night, she understood he hadn't wanted to leave her alone, that he was worried. It warms her heart to know Cisco will always be there for her, no matter the circumstances. So, with her friend on his way to join her for coffee, she waits five minites then heads back to the counter to order, thankful for only a short queue before it's her turn. As she waits for Grace to fill her order, a feeling prickles the back of her neck like someone's watching her. Half turning around, she looks over to the door. 

Every fibre of her being runs cold, she freezes and it has absolutely nothing to do with Frost. This... can't be happening. Has it really come to the point where she's begun to experience hallucinations? Because that seems the only possible explanation to explain Harry standing across from her. She blinks then blinks again and still he's there. Panic slowly starts to rise that maybe it's finally happened, she's finally cracked and lost her _fucking mind_. But then she's startled out of her reverie by Grace, announcing her orders up. 

Automatically she turns to the young girl only to shake her head. "No." The frown on the young girl's face barely registers as she steps away from the counter and turns back to where she just saw him standing.... and he's still standing there. Her hands start to tremble and on shaky knees she moves toward him, her order now forgotten. 

When she's barely a metre away from him, she falters but her penetrative gaze never wavers. 

"Harry?" 

The sound of her voice, so small, so lost and uncertain nearly cripples him, combined with the utter agony written across her face, it nearly brings him to his knees. 

"Hi." 

She stares at him, scrutinising every last detail. Dressed all in black like usual, familiar glasses in place framing those bright blue eyes, hair an unruly mess. He looks exactly the same as the last time she saw him. The air feels trapped on it's journey to her lungs and she can't breath, a sob is stuck in her throat. She takes a faltering step towards him and she reaches out. When her hand connect with his chest, her fingers twist into the material and she steps into him, wrapping him in her arms. He's solid, warm and alive. He's real. 

"You're here." 

"I am." 

"This is-- I can't believe this." 

The feeling is mutual. He can't quite believe he's standing here wrapped in her arms. Harry nods against her shoulder, pulling her tighter to him. "I talked with Cisco." 

She tenses against him and her stomach drops. 

"We had a good talk about second chances and how rare they are." 

"Yeah, they are." She tightens her hold on his jacket. "You're really here." 

"I am." He pulls back a little to allow their eyes to meet. 

"Jesse-- she's okay? She's here too?" 

"Yes, she's at the lab with West-Allen." 

"I'm so relieved." 

"Trust me," Harry snorts, "the feeling is mutual." 

The way he looks at her is so very intense and so very familiar and it fills her with a warmth she's missed. In that moment, everything is completely unimportant and irrelevant. She wished for a second chance and now she has it. "I love you," she says so easily it's startling in it's simplicity. There's a brief moment of panic but she squashes it down. It has no place here, not until he runs for the hills. 

"Well, we got there a lot quicker than I thought we would." 

Her brows furrow. "I'm sorry, I--" 

His hand cups her face, his thumb ghosts along her lower lip cutting off any further needless apologies. "I love you too, Caitlin." 

Nothing in this world could ever sound as good as that, not in her lifetime. It's everything and more. So quickly this situation has aburptly changed, mere moments ago she was heartbroken, mourning a missed chance and his loss. Now he's actually standing before her, telling her he loves her too. _What_ _the_ _actual_ _fuck_?! It's absolutely ridiculous. They're standing just inside Jitters, blocking up half the door but she couldn't care less. This is actually happening and it's overwhelming and good and everything she wanted. 

The burn of tears return and this time she doesn't fight to stop the flow. "Harry." 

He shakes his head, a soft smile on his face then he closes the gap. When his lips meet hers, it's soft and tentative, a hint of uncertainty which soon fades when she whimpers and pulls him closer. Slowly he kisses her, taking his time because there isn't a need to rush only a need to discover. It's doesn't last for very long because they're both mindful of the fact they're in public. When he rests his forehead against hers, for the first time in what feels like an age, Caitlin smiles. 

"Can I buy you a coffee?" 

She nods, taking a step back. She looks down when his hand takes her, so simple but it makes her heart thuds in her chest like a school girl on her first date. Squeezing his hand, she looks up at him. "Can we get them to go? I could use some fresh air."

He nods, understanding she's more than a little overwhelmed. 

Leaving his side isn't an option when once again she reorders fresh coffee. 

When they step out into the afternoon sunlight, Caitlin slips her arm through his. The smile he sends her way almost weakens her knees. Because of the circumstances she finds it hard to tear her gaze away him. She can't believe this is real, that she's here walking with him but she is. 

There is so much more to discuss, from their feelings and relationship to his return from the dead and how they came to be. 

But for now, a coffee and a walk is all she needs. Another moment among many they now have the opportunity to experience and explore. 

The end. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading ❤


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